10th Month Post-Concussion Update

Well, it’s my 10^th month update and boy have I been busier than normal.  I guess it’s good but it can also be really bad too.  Having injuries to multiple sections of my brain impedes my judgment a lot of the time.  For instance, I know I need to budget my time and energy wisely, so I am detailed in planning my activities.  Last weekend I was a part of a wedding; well I was one of the wedding singers.  The wedding was to start at 6 pm but the party was asked to be at the church by 5pm.  This was not really an unreasonable request being that I like being early to events to get a good seat, figure out what I’m supposed to be doing, and take the edge of anxiety off. 

I arrived on time at 5pm as requested.  Next I went inside and greeted the other singers of the group, and waited and waited for the ceremony to start.  Heaven only knows what was going on behind the scenes with the bride and groom because the wedding didn’t start until 7pm.  So, I lost 2 hours of time and energy and then had to push through another hour to get through the ceremony.  It was very beautiful, but remembering my parts to 3 songs, one of which I was the lead singer, and staying alert took so much out of me.  I also had to contend with lighting as well.  I was too cute to wear my yellow tinted lenses to such a formal event.  Women know there are many sacrifices to looking fabulous!!!

By the time the ceremony was over, the guests were then asked to wait an additional 15 minutes for the reception to start.  Since I had already expended so much of my budgeted energy, I opted out of going to the reception and getting my free, well deserved meal.  This is what really sucks about having a brain injury.  It can really put a dampening into your social life.  Unless people are up close and personal in your day to day life, they have no idea the struggles a person with a brain injury endures.  I can’t even hold it against those who don’t understand, because I’m still finding out the nuances of this injury myself.

For instance, I was scared nearly speechless this month and it surprised me.  I heard some disturbing news about a dear friend and the shock value wrecked complete and utter chaos on my ability to process my speech.  Like always, when my speech is really impaired, this is the time I need it the most to share with someone what I’m going through.  So I am so blessed to have great supportive friends who endure my babbling from time to time. 

In this case that I’m referring to, the thought of something happening to my dear friend almost shut me down.  It surprised me because the old Ella could handle an emergency like a champ.  I mean, that’s what nurses are supposed to be able to do right?  Well, apparently, my reaction time, and emotional responses to crisis have definitely changed.  This makes me angrier than I can even admit or try to explain.  I’m still trying to understand how stress is impacting my speech and overall functioning of my brain.

I have been told to slow down, take deep breaths, and that does help.  However, there are times when I’m out of options and I have to wait for an episode to pass.  I’m not sure if I need more speech therapy or just try to reduce stressful encounters, even pleasant ones like celebrations.  Yes, even pleasurable stress to my brain causes my speech to slur.  It also lets my family and friends know I need a break.  Sometimes they recognize it before I do.  I guess I start morphing into another person in front of them or something. 

One friend told me she could look into my eyes and read my facial expressions when I’m having a shutdown moment.  It’s like being around children.  They are so brutally honest because they don’t know any other way to be.  A brain injury can impose on you in such a way where you either say exactly what you feel or look like what you want to say.  It’s almost like losing your inside voice that says, “hey watch your facial expressions.  Even if this lady is a complete nut, don’t give her a crazy look.”  My brain has lost that memo.  I look at people the way they act or present themselves to me and it’s a blessing my filter is working and I don’t tell them what I’m thinking too.  Oh the joys of post-concussion syndrome.

Learning to pace myself- My newly appointed goal from all of my care providers.  I’m too hard headed to act on this without powerful influence.  I just want to go, go, and go!!!!  I was given some tips from a system that an occupational therapist designed based on points used for energy.  I think the concept is great because it gives you a visual of how to plan your day based on the value in fatigue per activity. 

See video below:

Pacing Yourself

Another issue I've been having is reflux and nausea.  Go figure since I've been taking Motrin like candy these past 10 months for my headaches.  Even with the food on my stomach prior to taking Motrin, I'm having tummy upsets and I even felt faint this morning out of nowhere.  This is a cause for concern and I will be going back to see my primary care doctor to see what her recommendations are.  I hate nausea worse than headaches.  I know that sounds strange, but I'm a little strange these days.  I guess I've gotten used to headaches, but this nausea is sort of new within the past month.  I don't plan on getting used to it either.

Sometimes visual stimulation will get the nausea going too.  I'm still increasing my activities of vision therapy and although I'm improving, my doctor says it's normal to have some nausea associated with it especially when your vestibular system has been affected. The vestibular system is a part of the inner ear system of the brain that helps with balance and perception of space.  Ever had motion sickness?  This system has a lot to do with that queasy, nauseating sick feeling.  I think I may have to do a whole separate post on this alone. 

Vision therapy glasses-Sooo groovy and 3D-used for home vision therapy computer games

Goals:

From this month forward, I am putting myself on a more detailed schedule per my doctor to add more structure to my day.  I'm also going to use the pacing techniques shown in the video as well.  Maybe I need to see how much time and energy I'm using well or wasting.  I'm not working at all still, but I want to train my body as if I was going to work so when I do return, it won't be such a shock to my system. Take care and I'll leave you with a quote from a dear friend.  "Do the next right thing for the next 15 minutes."